NOUS VOUS INVITIONS À PATIENTER
I AM OFFICIALLY ILLEGAL IN FRANCE
“We invite you to be patient.” This is the translation of the last line of an email I received from the French Government this week in response to my desperate plea for a status update of my expiring visa.
Verdict. They just think I need to be patient.
Yesterday, October 4th – marked my complete first year. I am officially illegal. From today on, I am lawfully unable to return to this country if I leave it. Therefore, I am stuck here practicing patience, in beautiful France. I’m mean, it’s not the worst place to be! (Marissa snapped my photo a week ago at Hôtel de Sully — my all time favorite hidden gem beside Place des Vosges — to commemorate my complete year.)
STAND STILL AND LOOK FOR HEARTS
I felt a bit lost this week, if I’m being honest, and unsure of what the next path is for me to take as this year concludes. But, as my best friend always reminds me…
(Close your eyes for this next part if you’d rather not read the word that starts with F and ends in Uck.)
ONE: “You can’t fuck up life. You can prolong it, for sure. But you can’t fuck it up. What’s meant for you. Will be for you.”
TWO: “When you don’t know when to go left or right. Stay still.”
So, I am taking her wise words to heart (more on that next), and I am staying still, as the government invited me to, in being patient. I am trusting that I am not fucking up anything that is meant for me.
Throughout the week I have seen hearts. Lots and lots of hearts!! In the trees, on the sidewalk, in the clouds, in the tiles, in the sink while brushing my teeth, in the chipped paint on my apartment window … in my coffee. I look for them, don’t get me wrong, (because as we all know… “what you're seeking is seeking you”). So, everywhere I look, I see these little gifts of hope that come in a heart shape. I take them as my reminder that I am where I am supposed to be in this moment, and that one day soon, I will feel clear.
It’s a game that I invite you to play too. You will be shocked at all the places you see them. Hearts are literally EVERYWHERE. Because so is hope!
YEA, I HAVE A GOODLY HERITAGE & HOMESTATE
I feel guilty even sharing anything that has happened lovely in my life this week. As, just a few days ago I caught up with my sister, Miller, who has been dealing with the unfortunate aftermath of Hurricane Helen. That storm did a catastrophic number to the upstate of South Carolina, parts of Georgia and especially western North Carolina.
It was devastating listening to her tell me story, after story, after story, of those who she loves being affected by the storm… the homes that have been destroyed, the power outage that has continued, and yet the BLESSINGS of all the people who have shown up for her friends during this time.
We talked for over an hour about the things that are causing pain in our lives, the things that are bringing light in our lives, and the things that we have to look forward to in the coming months. We wouldn’t know the good if there wasn’t the bad. Unfortunately, we are reminded of this in an extreme way when natural disasters strike.
I feel very grateful that nothing happened to my sister and brother in law’s beautiful home in Greenville, or their lake house that we all love so much. They were blessed beyond belief and with that, they have been able to be a haven for their friends. Opening their home as a safe place for them to land in a time of chaos and mounds of unknown insurance-paperwork.
My Mamee (late grandmother, who I was obsessed with, and am not fully convinced wasn’t my child in my past life — I love her so much) used to always say “yea, I have a goodly heritage!” She was so proud of her family and where she came from. And in moments like the one a few nights ago talking with Mill, I felt that exact sentiment so strongly in my heart. Yea I have a goodly heritage!!! I come from the best stock of people. Ones who show-up for this little thing called life, ones who have taught us to love and support and help those who we love in times of despair. I am grateful to have these values. And grateful and proud to death of my sweet sister and her family who held space for others during this tragic time.
I remain astounded at all that has happened in my home state and would like to thank everyone for their outpour of support. You all checking in on me and my family throughout this last week was such a powerful reminder that love does spreads across an ocean. I felt it over here, and so did they! This shall all pass soon. And until it does. I am happy to report that my 10 year old boodle niece, Belle Miller Howard, is continuing to keep her family permagrinning in the midst of tragedy with her nightly shower concerts. Unbeknownst to her, her father, Boggs, audio recorded one of the “performances” the other night and sent it to me. Boy did she nail the Mariah Carey ear pluging arm raised belt. I have no doubt that her Herbal Essences bottle was used as her microphone. Boodle!
LAP SITTING and GOOD TUNES
I am so appreciative to have had so many cozy laps to sit on this past week (my code for emotional-support given to me by my best friends). It goes something like this usually. I wait util around 2pm my time — when the US is starting to wake up at 8am — and text “When you have time today, may I sit on your lap for a minute?” They all respond, “Of course!”
All of my friends have been so loving and compassionate and understanding as they each held space for me to release the floodgates and “sit on their laps” as this year of mine has come to an end. I think this is normal. I tell myself that anyway. I mean, I came over here to France with a plan A in mind and heart, and now that I am facing a new kind of plan, I am lap-sitting on whoever will hold me on theirs until I get my footing again and figure out how to navigate, and get excited, for this new plan B.
I don’t know if France will keep me. I want it to at times, and at other times, I want it to hurl me into another direction. I just want it to be clear. It isn’t fully yet. So, in the meantime, while I don’t know whether I will stay here or return to the Land of the Free, I will do as Jane suggests (and as the French government demands). I will be patient while I enjoy my days as if I’m leaving.
I did that to the max yesterday and it was an UPGRADE. I woke up very late (I won’t dare share the hour. It would embarrass you all.) and decided to – instead of write straight away or check work emails – go for a LONG walk in this beautiful city of mine. I listened to the sounds that used to be foreign to me, but after a year of living here, have become the chime of my everyday life. I took a different route than usual and found myself drawn to the pedestrian bridge that connects the two islands. The universe had an UPGRADE in mind for me.
As I stepped onto the bridge I heard the wave of tunes. Two older men. One playing his piano and the other blowing away on his flute. I came to a complete stop – as all the other people did too! Not one person wasn’t smiling. Little girls ran to gleefully drop coins in the musician’s hat that their daddy’s had given them, old women made flirty eyes with the piano man, and we all tapped our toes to the tune as if we had heard it 1000 times before and knew it by heart.
While I listened, I noticed that 6 large airplanes took off (presumably from Charles de Gaullel) which made me think… lucky me! I get to practice patience HERE. As much as I would like to know that I have the option of hopping on one of those planes and getting the heck out of town, if I chose to. I am happy that I am stuck here in this moment of… joy, peace, excitement, wonderment, love, and MUSIC. C'est une vie heureuse!
If situations like this keep happening, OR if the government keeps me hostage practicing my “patience” — I may be here forever. But until the actual verdict comes in, OR I decide otherwise, I will accept these beautiful French tunes as my daily soundtrack avec plaisir!
DOWNLOAD
This past week and weekend I stayed busy!! I attended two birthday parties of Miranda (house soiree) and Justine (dim sum), enjoyed three different out-of-town-friend dinners with Marissa, Lori and Kristina, I danced in a jazz cave to celebrate Laura’s new job, I drank a late night milkshake with Ariel and Leah, I snuggled a boodle Margaux, I had a coffee date with new, and old, friends, Cara and Miranda, I crashed a fashion week party with my chicest Parisian I know, Margot, I received beautiful MIRTH wardrobe gifts, I talked to several of my besties at length, and often, I hosted my French bestie, Caroline, for a slumber, I made my debut on the Nordstrom Instagram (Marissa made me look like a star!), and … I took James Chocolatine for yet another checkup. (Yes, my sweet bike doesn’t know life withOUT going to the repairman every week apparently. I learned this time that she is a magnet for nails. We found two in her tires – Unfortunately I found them before the repairman did, if you catch my drift. JC had me stranded with a flat tire en route to one of the many fêtes.)
Marissa and I went to Verjus and shared some belly laughs and belly aches with all the DELICIOUS food (do yourself a favor and go!), Lori and I met in her hotel hood and tried to get into several places before we landed at Noura on her last night (if you want an “Applebees pour of wine,” as my sister calls it, go here! The waiters all had heavy hands. We weren’t made at it!), Margot and I crashed the Birkenstock Care Essentials launch party at Merci that my Erika from America got us into (and walked away with two new friends, Victor and Dania annnnnd the best swag bags. ALL the samples of the new product line. SIDEBAR: I confessed to Margot on the street, when saying goodbye, that I have been known to root in a swag bag for only the “good” things – leaving the rest behind. Ah!! Ha! I’m a PR assistant’s nightmare. But this one?! Worth the whole kit and caboodle. My feet have had an UPGRADE the past two nights in a row as I lathered them up!), and all the rest … is pictured above and below.
UP NEXT
As much as this week has felt heavy and uncertain at times… it too has been a lovely reminder that not everything remains stuck. Everything is, actually, fluid. We can shift anytime we want and sometimes situations, events, unexpected storms even, will shift us into a plan B that was unexpected — yet exactly what was needed.
So, it’s been nice to remember this week that the ONLY constant in life is … change.
I am off to a brunch with two new, but feel like longtime, friends — where I am bringing my favorite salad by Yotam Ottolenghi and a surprise for dessert — an Île Saint Louis signature Berthillon ice cream. I am taking a brick of vanilla, so that I can dress our scoops with good olive oil and a sprinkle of sea salt. YUM! After, I will hop on James Chocolatine and head to Le Grand Rex where I plan to negotiate my way into a three day long SOLD OUT Dr. Joe Dispenza workshop. I just KNOW I’m meant to be there. So, I plan to go, stand, have my blindfold ready, practice that patience that the French government has gotten me to perfect over these last several days, and wait until they swipe my credit card and give me permission to enter that yummy world of meditation.
If I don’t get in, however. My plan B (a theme of mine this week) will be to start building out my temporary home and making it more permanent. I will shop for paintings and lamps and more small tables for my plants. I will take my summer clothes out of my closet to make way for the winter armor that must be accessible for these new frigid temperatures we are beginning to feel regularly. I will treat myself to a homemade face-mask and possibly find a cinema playing a french film with english subtitles.
Whatever will happen next… all I know, I can’t fuck it up!
xxo ac